How to deal with difficult individuals as an empath?

Can you sense the emotions of those around you?

Do you feel what they are feeling as if their feelings were yours?
Are you able to see their world through their eyes and mirror them back to their own perspective?
Are people drawn to you because you help them to give voice to their emotional and inner life?

If your answer is YES, then most likely you are already very familiar with the expression empath or sensitive soul.

As long as I can remember I have found it challenging to spend too much time in crowded places or around negative and aggressive people. As an empath, I could feel what they were experiencing emotionally and this was felt confusing. I did not necessary feel it on a conscious level but more on a subtle level, often without even realising that I was feeling their emotions and what was going on within them.

As a consequence, I have absorbed too much or have unconsciously soaked up like a sponge their energetic imbalances which led at first to an overwhelmed mental state and manifested later as physical discomfort. I was carrying unconsciously the emotional baggage of other people and sometimes, I also imbibed other people’s patterns by not having clear energetic boundaries.

From a very early age, I noticed that people, even strangers had the tendency to talk about their problems and concerns with me, but sadly also to unload their frustration, anger, or other negative emotions. They felt a big relief afterwards and I felt drained.
Children can easily merge unconsciously with other people’s energy do relieve the burdens of others or to purify the environment.
Because at that point I did not know how to establish healthy energetic and physical boundaries I was vulnerable to negative energies. One of the worst experiences for me was working in a big open-plan office in Central London. I could feel all the inner pain, sadness, frustration, bitterness and dissatisfaction of those who were working there.

This experience was a turning point and I started to explore this dynamic and learn how to separate someone’s energy from my own energy field.

Sensing Emotions and Energy is a gift!

Empaths are very giving, they naturally want to be of service and are attuned to higher dimensions but they can find it sometimes difficult to set healthy boundaries and to operate amongst dominant, aggressive or less sensitive people.

That’s why one of the core lessons empaths need to master is to hold strong energetic boundaries and not to allow themselves to be pushed around.

The second core lesson for every empath and sensitive SOULs is discernment where you learn to distinguish your own feelings, emotions and sensations from empathic connections.

The third core lesson for an empath is not to see yourself as weak and vulnerable and to let go of any negative beliefs you are holding on to that causes you to react negatively.

If you connect to your higher purpose and your true essence you will be naturally much more resilient and you won’t allow others to influence you negatively because you know who you are and your focus is on something higher than unhealthy entanglements that would just distract you from your path.

Elevate the quality of your life by using your natural talents and your spiritual gifts – Life Purpose Activation

 

I knew that even though it is my nature to be an empath, I can learn to take more care of myself and establish clearer boundaries.

One way to do this is not to take everything other people do or say to heart and develop a stable, unshakable, healthy, untouchable and unbreakable self-esteem. I have recorded the following guided meditation to support you with this.

You literally start to see the world with new eyes if your well-being and self-esteem do not depend on circumstances or anyone’s opinions.

An example of Buddha.

It is said that one day the Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake!”
The Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead, he asked the young man, “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”
The young man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, “It would belong to me because I bought the gift.”
The Buddha smiled and said, “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.”

With time, I started to realise that what people say or do has not that much to do with me but with them. Their words always show who they and where they are currently at on their journey. They are their projections, stories, beliefs and assumptions. 
I may be the trigger of their anger, inner pain and suppressed emotions which they let out on me, but it was already there. 

When I understood that it was only their projection and I could choose to use it as I wish I was able to gain greater love and wisdom and to develop compassion for all people I came in contact with as I realised that many of them suffered quietly. Those who behaved aggressively for example simply showed me the world they lived in, a world full of dissatisfaction, anger or fear. They were uncontrolled and impulsive in their actions because they were not mindful and were governed by their senses. I could see that the way they were treating others was the way how they were treating themselves emotionally on a day to day basis.

Ultimately they have been in my reality for a reason and served my own awakening and growth. I clearly had to learn how to set healthy boundaries. 

Even though it is necessary to take strong action at times in order to set clear boundaries it is crucial not to hold grudges. On the surface level, I might need to be very firm and assertive at times or even raise my voice if this is necessary because this might be the only way the other person will understand it, but inside I feel only compassion for this person.

If I intentionally harm or hurt another being, I harm not only the other person but also myself. Buddha referred to such behaviour as “ignorance” or “delusion”, which means a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of reality.

10 Tips for Dealing With Challenging People

Most of us encounter unreasonable people in our lives. We may be ‘stuck’ with a challenging individual at work or even at home. Especially if you are an empath it’s easy to give them permission to ruin your day, but if you do so, it means that you give them the power to do it.
The following steps might be helpful. Simply use what works for you and leave the rest.

1. Keep a cool mind

Mindfulness Meditation or Insight meditation (Vipassana) can help you to be less reactive.
Insight meditation is nothing more mysterious than developing your ability to pay attention to your immediate experience. Mindfulness relies on an important characteristic of awareness: awareness by itself does not judge, resist, or cling to anything. By focusing on simply being aware, we learn to disentangle ourselves from our habitual reactions and begin to have a friendlier and more compassionate relationship with our experience, with ourselves and with others.

A calm and quiet mind also helps you to make wise choices in life.
If you practice this meditation regularly you will definitely experience positive results. Even if you are able to stay calm and non-reactive 1 out of 10 when a challenging incident occurs, it is already a success. If you keep meditating, you will rewire your Neural Pathways and this will transform your life over time.

2. Learn to set firm and clear boundaries

Many empaths and Highly sensitive people (HSP) have very thin boundaries.
Highly sensitive people respond strongly to external stimuli and become exhausted from taking in and processing these stimuli. They are born with a nervous system that may perceive, see, hear, smell or feel more than others. As adults, they may also think, reflect or notice more than others. The processing is largely unconscious or body-conscious. Highly Sensitive People grow up feeling overwhelmed, especially when loud music, crowds of people, or simply a busy day stresses them.
An empath has also the tendency to feel responsible for everyone and there is often a desire to please and help others. They often do so at the expense of their own health. When an empath is feeling overwhelmed, there is a good chance that he or she is not caring for her or his own needs. At such times, they need quiet time alone to recover.
In order to create healthy boundaries, you need to know at first yourself and your needs. Vipassana which is an awareness meditation can be very helpful as you learn to pay attention to your body’s physical sensations while interacting with others.

Pure, high-quality Oregano and Melaleuca essential oils can be a real lifesaver for empaths and highly sensitive people.

Even if you don’t like the smell of some oils once you discover their powerful and potent protection ability on an energetic level, you might fall in love with them.

Oregano and  Tea Tree essential oils can give you the strength to let go of dysfunctional relationships, find the courage to leave suffocating, restrictive, non-conducive environment or to eliminate energetic blocks and destructive patterns.

Oregano is a very potent and hot oil, and should always be diluted with a carrier oil when applied topically. You can also inhale or diffuse it. If you don’t have a diffuser yet the majority of the doTerra starter and enrollment kits contain a diffuser. 

Oregano essential oils can open your heart chakra and help you to filter challenging experiences through the eyes of compassion. It is a powerful immune booster and has antiviral, antibacterial, antifungal properties.

Empaths who tend to soak up all the negative energy within their environment will also love Melaleuca essential oil for its ability to set firm boundaries. It promotes honesty with oneself and helps to let go of self-betrayal of people to take advantage of you. It is an excellent oil which can help you to relieve energetic and emotional heaviness.

Frankincense, also known as the King of all oils is another miracle oil for highly sensitive people. You can read more about it in the following blog post. 

If you love working with guided meditations the following pre-recorded healing session will help you strengthen your energy field and release any unhealthy attachments. 

3. Mind your own business

Some people are simply the wrong match for you, so don’t waste your energy by trying to change or to please them. If a college at work or an annoying relative challenges you, try to be diplomatic and fair when you have to deal with them. For the rest of the time practice detachment and keep a healthy distance.

4. Seeing the bigger picture

A lot of friction and tension between people comes from misunderstanding and misinterpretation. When you feel offended by someone try to look at the situation from a different perspective.
When you avoid taking other people’s behaviours personally, you will become more objective and it will also help you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

For example:

• My partner is sometimes so cold. It must not be easy to show emotions when you come from a family where people don’t express affection.
• My boss is very demanding today. It must not be easy for him to deal with all the pressure and the responsibility of managing a large team. 

However being empathetic does not excuse unacceptable behaviour. The point is to be aware of the fact that people behave the way they behave because of their own issues.
When someone criticises you or gives you advice, connect to your inner self and find out if they want to help or hurt. It is the intention that counts not the words. Someone who feels miserable will always try to find faults in others. Don’t let their words and their unhappiness affect you as it is only the projection of what is going on inside them.

5. Choose your battles wisely

We can’t control other people’s behaviour, but we can control our responses to it. 

Not all challenging people we face require direct confrontation about their behaviour. For example, if you have to spend a short period of time with a very dominant person and you can depersonalise his or her behaviour you will most probably save time and energy by avoiding a confrontation.

It doesn’t mean that you are passive. You can still have a different view on the situation. However, you consciously choose not to engage in conflict because you feel intuitive that it wouldn’t be beneficial. When you realise how powerful you are, you can take in any type of energy and transmute it into higher qualities such as love and compassion. 

You have the power to decide if the situation is serious enough to confront it by thinking twice if the battle you would like to fight is truly worth it.

6. Separate the person from the issue

We tend to take responses to the issues as personal attacks.
Every negotiation has two elements: people and problems. Separating the people from the problems means separating the relationship (personality) issues (e.g. perceptions, emotions, feelings and so on ) from the substantive issues (e.g. terms, facts dates, figures and so on ).
We are human beings and we perceive the actions and words of others differently. We then develop attachments to past experiences and memories and have therefore the tendency to react habitually and impulsive. Emotions, egos, feelings, past memories and so on become entangled in the substance of the problem. Therefore be soft on the person and firm on the issue. When we are soft on the person, people are more open to listening to what we have to say. Being firm on the issue demonstrates assertive behaviour and leadership qualities. 

7. Be aware of the pattern with aggressive people

“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.” ~Paramhansa Yogananda.

Aggressive people like to place attention on you to make you feel inadequate and uncomfortable. They usually try to intimidate you by telling that there is something not all right with you while being quite arrogant about their own capabilities. The focus is always on what’s wrong instead of trying to find a constructive solution.

An aggressive communication style may reflect the poor emotional development and is usually linked to a desire to verbally abuse, blame, hurt others or exact revenge. Aggressive people often come across as sarcastic, abrupt, cold and sharp. Their tone also comes across as threatening in many cases. They will use sentences like, “You better get that done immediately”.

Aggressive people want to control and dominate. If you react by being defensive or frightened, you give the aggressor more power.
A simple and powerful way to change this dynamic is to put the spotlight back on the challenging individual by asking questions.

Aggressor: ‘Your last report is absolutely useless’
Response: ‘Have you given me detailed instructions on how to write it?’
Aggressor: ‘You are absolutely incompetent, I better do it myself’
Response: ‘If you would like me to continue to work here I would like you to treat me with respect and if you continue to treat me with disrespect, I will need to talk with the manager.‘  

Keep your questions constructive.
Be firm on the outside with the aggressor but have compassion with him inside, because only a very disempowered and insecure person would bully or intimidate others.

“When people don’t like themselves very much, they have to make up for it. The classic bully was actually a victim first.” ~Tom Hiddleston.

Often bullies are victims themselves. Someone who is angry is someone who doesn’t know how to handle their suffering. They are the first victim of their suffering, and you are actually the second victim. A bully or a tyrant feels separate, unloved or unworthy. The main reason they attack or disempower others is that they are trying to feel better about themselves.

8. Energetic boundaries

Many empaths and highly sensitive people have an unbalanced third chakra (solar plexus chakra), and, for this reason, they can’t protect their energy.

Chakra is a Sanskrit word that translates into a turning wheel or disc. These energy centres are connected to main organs, endocrine glands, physiological functions, emotions and spiritual energy.

An unbalanced or blocked chakra can lead to physical, emotional or mental symptoms.

It is very easy for the chakras to get out of balance. In fact, your average day will often contain multiple occasions that will put your chakras out of balance.
Your solar plexus chakra is the bodyguard of your entire energy field and it is associated with:

• Will, personal power
• Taking responsibility 
• Making decisions
• Personal identity, personality
• Self-assurance, confidence
• Self-discipline
• Strength of character
• Setting healthy boundaries

If this chakra is unbalanced you will pick up other people’s negative thoughts, emotions and feelings.

The solar plexus is also the centre that holds fears. Many sensitive people feel often tense in this area because they tune in into collective fears and catastrophes.

Eight Signs of an unbalanced third chakra:

1. You see yourself as powerless and compare yourself constantly with others
2. A need to please everyone or a need to have things your own way
3. Extreme fear of failure and fear about the future
4. You are generally highly stressed and busy
5. You feel constantly tired
6. You are extremely judgmental, impatient and controlling
7. Trouble starting or following through on projects or lack of assertiveness are signs of a weak third chakra
8. Workaholics, highly goal oriented or competitive people or those that can’t rest or relax, have an overcharged third chakra

At the physical level, this chakra governs the liver, spleen, stomach, gallbladder and pancreas. We hold our fears and lack of confidence in this chakra. This energy centre governs the pancreas and when it is in balance you are able to give and receive nurturing on every level.
If you suffer from indigestion, reflux, heartburn or shallow breathing, you will benefit the third chakra healing techniques listed below.

How to Balance Your Third Chakra?

There are a number of ways to balance your third chakra.

1. Spend time in the sunlight
2. Certain Yoga poses can help loosen up blocked energy within chakras e.g (Navasana (Boat Pose),  Urdhva Prasarita Padasana (Leg Lifts),  Warrior poses. 
3. Using crystals is another way to help balance your third chakra. For example citrine, amber, yellow sapphire and yellow tourmaline.
4. Using following essential oils can also help to balance your 3rd chakra:

Rosemary, lavender, chamomile, yarrow, vetiver, petitgrain, peppermint, lemon, juniper, and marjoram.

If you feel that you can benefit from some additional support the following meditation will help you to balance the 7 main energy centres.

9. Energy work and emotional clearing

Most of us have varying degrees of emotional trauma lingering in our energy field that lies below our conscious awareness. Everything is energy and everything is attracted by energy. Because this subtle energy is invisible many people are not aware of energy blocks or suppressed emotions. It takes courage to turn inward and to be brutally honest with yourself when it comes to investigating and experiencing any suppressed emotional pain.  

Emotions are energy:  E-motion = energy in motion. Energy is supposed to be in motion and to flow freely. Stagnation and energy blockages lead to diseases and suppressed emotions create imbalances in the mind body and spirit system. Energy blocks are also the source of many of the problems we experience in our relationships, careers, creative endeavours, and in our spiritual evolution.

The following guided meditation is designed to ease any emotional tension, clear energy blocks and suppressed emotions. It will help you to: 

• Listen to your emotional guidance system
• Release trapped emotions
• Feel empowered and respond to your emotions with peace, balance and acceptance
• Transform emotions such as anger and jealousy into self-esteem and inner strength and compassion

10. Laughter is the Best Medicine – let the problems roll off your back

Humour is such a powerful tool and laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, tension, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster to bring your mind, body and spirit back into balance than a good laugh. Laughter relaxes the whole body, releases tension and stuck energy, lightens your burdens, connects you to others, strengthens your immune system, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.
When appropriately used, humour can shine a light on the truth and neutralise or eliminate the negative behaviour.

When I work with clients privately I teach them how they can alchemize any intense energy coming their way and work with it in a constructive way instead of putting their guard up and become defensive, overly protective and rigid. I share also tips and tricks about energy mastery, releasing suppressed emotions and trauma from your energy field and body. And also how to eliminate power leaks. This is particularly crucial for empaths and highly sensitive people.

When you eliminate energy leaks, set healthy and firm boundaries and live up to the standards of your soul frequency your life will shift at a miraculous speed. Many issues you might have struggled for a long time with will fall away because you won’t be an energetic match to them.

If this resonates you can receive a complimentary heart opening meditation and exciting & inspiring updates from me here:

We live in a world of duality/polarity and are therefore confronted with both positive and negative experiences. As an example, wealth and poverty are two ends of a relative spectrum. Without one it is impossible to have a concept of the other. And if you are involved in energetic or spiritual work it is important to know that we all contain light and dark. The best protection is not to lower your frequency to a level where the negativity and drama operate. It takes focus and effort to elevate yourself to a higher level if you fall in frequency and engage in negativity.
Of course, it can be extremely challenging to keep our frequency stable and high when we find ourselves in an extremely discordant or even hostile environment. We have to learn to be like the lotus that’s in the pond. To stay above the dirty waters, to shine brightly from within, to blossom and not to get carried away by the negativities of the world. Your unconscious and conscious thoughts, emotions and actions are like magnets.

Fearlessness, resilence, faith, self-love, a solid spiritual practice, chanting mantras, prayers, meditation and high-quality essential oils can help to strengthen your aura. Fear, doubt, guilt, shame, dishonesty, negative self-talk, low self-esteem, self-loathing or other negative emotions such as hate and anger weaken our aura. The quality of your aura is built upon the quality of your consciousness. If you have a peaceful, benevelent, joyful and calm nature these qualities are reflected in your aura and your life experiences. 

Hi, I am Erika – Shri Lakshmi. 

I am a life-purpose coach and holistic counsellor. It’s not a requirement but people usually come to me in transition. My approach is both practical and mystical/spiritual. My mission is to invite you into higher states of being by cultivating inner awareness, empowerment and love.

I can deliberately enter an expanded state of consciousness and have mastered the ability to tap into the SOURCE of LOVE, WISDOM, ABUNDANCE and POWER and I am strongly dedicated to further learning and expansion.

I have been doing Soul Plan Readings  since 2013, and I am still amazed and fascinated each time I look for the first time at someone’s Soul Plan.

Soul Plan Reading (Life Purpose Reading) via video Call or Email & Voice message

It is my intention to inspire, empower you and help you to find more clarity in life and reconnect with your true self. I help people to become more aware of their gifts and also their beliefs and values.

As you start to remember who you truly are, you naturally start to re-align with your true self and your life purpose. Your life can then start to flow in a far more creative and joyful way with new meaning and direction.

It is my intention to give joyfully, following my heart’s knowledge and make a meaningful difference in someone’s life. I have been trained in a number of different healing techniques including energy psychology, relationship healing and a diverse array of therapeutic interventions, but I don’t follow any particular tradition or concept as I work intuitively from the heart.

Together, we generate insight and transformation. My work is a co-creative, collaborative partnership with you to create the deepest insight, empowerment, clarity, wellbeing, healing and possibility, and enable you to share this with others. 

Clarity, clearing, Transformation, Empowerment, Healing!

All sessions can be conducted from the comfort of your home anywhere in the world. You do not need to travel and therefore online sessions help you to save time and offer a level of flexibility. Having a session at home allows you to create a sacred space and to rest and integrate the session directly afterwards. 

 

 

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